Not Up For Discussion (Poem)

Hey guys! A quick intro to the poem here. Self-hate has always been and maybe always will be something I struggle and cope with. I was bullied and harassed a lot for being fluffy in grade school, and unfortunately, at that time, I gave more power to their voices than my own. Now though, I know the truth, which is that I’m beautifully and wonderfully made. I wasn’t created to fit in, and that’s OK. Live life to the best of your ability, and enjoy the poem.

What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see a confident plus size African American young lady?
Or do you see a nappy-headed fat girl with low self-esteem?
What you think of me is what I thought of me
See, when you hear enough negativity ignorance’s ignorant mentality starts to embed itself in your psyche I remember it like it was yesterday
The laughs
The looks of disgust
Their fingers pointed poked and prodded at me to the point where those fingers that pointed poked and prodded at me came from my own hands
The looks of disgust came from my eyes as I looked in the full-length mirror and laughed at the thought of anyone possibly thinking I was beautiful
I went to conference after conference
Service after service
Altar after altar
trying to find the answer to why I hated myself so much
Why did God hate me so much?
God, where are you?!
Where are you, God?
Do you hear me? See me? Know me?
Then He spoke, he said
Believe Him at His word
Trust him
That I am chosen every time he decides to give me another second to breathe
And God still has a strategic plan.
Despite all that’s happened in your life
Don’t worry about comparing yourself to others
Because I didn’t make you like the others
You are a one of kind masterpiece created by my endless imagination
And those words helped me realize
I am a woman
Not only am I a woman
But I’m a Black woman
Not only am I a Black woman
But I’m a Black woman with natural hair
Not only am I a Black woman with natural hair
But I’m a Voluptuous Black woman with beautiful natural hair
Four attributes I thought counted me out
Are the things that are elevating me from normal to extraordinary
And my choice to be me makes extraordinary royalty
So what I’m saying is
Who I am is none of your business
And your opinion of me is none of mine
Whether I choose to wear a turtleneck or a two-piece
If you don’t like it, don’t look.
It’s not up for discussion.

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