Why I’m Scared to Lose Weight

Within the past year or so, I’ve noticed some of my favorite plus size influencers have been exercising like crazy or having gastric bypass surgeries and have lost most, if not all of their weight compared to when they first started. At first, I’ll admit, I was a little sad that the women I looked up to fashion-wise were now half my size. (It was the same feeling I had when Jennifer Hudson lost all her weight.) Now, however, I couldn’t be any happier for them. It takes a lot of hard work and consistency to lose weight and change up habits that die hard. If a certain way of life isn’t serving you well anymore, change it. For me, unfortunately, this is something I’ve been struggling with my whole life: weight loss. Do it or not? It scares the crap out of me for some reason.

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My whole life I’ve been plus size, fat, fluffy, whatever you want to call it. I don’t know what my life will look like 50 to 100 lbs smaller. I’ve encountered a lot of people who’d tell me if I shed the weight I’d be a force to be reckoned with. Why can’t I be that now? I can be fat and fabulous at the same time.  Weight loss doesn’t give you finesse, you’re born with it. Of course, there are health issues that come with being my size that I would like to get rid of, but I don’t want anyone for a second to think that I would lose weight because I hate how I look or to fit in society. My goal in life to be the best person I can be and help others, not be palatable to a society who’ll judge me regardless of what I do.

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Honestly, it scares me that people won’t find my before pictures as beautiful as my after ones. My identity for most of my life has been rooted in the fact that I’m a big girl. What does my life look like a smaller individual? Will people who haven’t given me the time of day now want to date me? Will I be respected more if I’m smaller? Well, this year I’m going to find out. Don’t get me wrong, I am #teamfluffy and #teamfupa for life. I just want to be a little smaller. There are certain things I want to do and wear that I just don’t feel comfortable with in my current state. I just want to go up a flight of stairs and not feel like I’m gonna die in 5.2 seconds lol. What are your thoughts on weight loss and identity? Leave a comment below. Love you guys!

P.S.: You’re beautiful just the way you are. Don’t change for others, change for yourself. *hugs*

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5 thoughts on “Why I’m Scared to Lose Weight

  1. Barbara W says:

    You look beautiful just as you are. There are some people who are not “healthy”, but slimmer. I agree, do it for yourself, so you can be healthier and add more years to your life. Being small all my life until my 40s, I too struggle with the scale going up and down. I decided I want to live throughout my retirement years, so once again, I working on eating better and exercising.

    Best of look to you! Great article😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jeannette says:

    Hey Kate, I love your honesty. I too am going through the same thing about the weight lost. I want to lose it to be more healthier, not for anyone else but ME!!! I am already a beautiful woman and so are You! We are both fluffy and beautiful, but it’s now time for us to pray and ask God for direction. I have been thinking about the gastric sleeve, but I have never had surgery before and I am 47 years old. I am about to start going to a nutritionist because I need some guidance in my diet. If people don’t or won’t accept you after you lose weight, then they didn’t really accept you being full figured. We have to continue to love ourselves and know that we are beautifully and wonderfully made by Jesus Christ! I dealt with low self esteem for years, until I realized how beautiful I am to myself first. You continue to love yourself and we can do this thing together. I know I live in VA but we can meet up after I get off and go walking. It helps to have someone to motivate you that is working on the same common goal. I need to get the weight off of my back and knees so that I won’t be in pain a lot. I am willing to come after work and we go walk around the complex a couple of days of week. Let me know. We Can Do It!

    Ms. Jeannette

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cookie B. says:

    This was beautiful. I have always been curious about the emotional side of weight loss. The questions of being loved less or more…seeing ppl go from getting compliments on their confidence for walking fearlessly as they are to getting encouraged to change as they post a weight lost journey to ppl bowing at their feet when they drop the weight. I have always been careful about comments, but I feel overall there are many ppl who will support us in whatever changes we make in this life because God calls us to partake in every season with each other (laugh, mourn, tears, or joy). There are so many ways to look at it, but in the process despite the mixed feelings we have we must keep our eyes open to the good of it all and remember one thing – at the end of the day regardless of what we are used to or not used to externally, our true identity is to be rooted in Christ. God will use you in each stage but you will love the ability to get up that flight of steps without feeling like death haha do it for you. Do it because it’s good for you. But while doing it remember it will not change your identity in Christ and that’s the identity you need to see above it all. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ambreezy says:

    You are so freaking awesome dude and no you are not alone in the confusion, the insecurities and fear of the change and believing if you can do it or not. Girl we all here with you. Super dope and transparent post! Wanna loose alot of weight too so that I can feel better in clothes also but I can say that you can rock anything to me and look bomb! Your sense of fashion is off the change, your like the Rihanna of plus size models!!! Mainly cuz of all that ass girl!!! Whoo can you donate a butt cheek I’m just saying. 😆 Your beautiful boo!! All love 💕

    Like

  5. Joan Armstrong says:

    Enjoyed your writing and understand your struggle. There comes a time in our life to step out of self and look around, but, by all means do what Kathyn want to do. Whether adventurous or scared be true to yourself. Reasons for self esteem is good, better health is for a better reason. USA society doesn’t make you, it will destroy you!

    Like

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